I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
