We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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