eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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