i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
