I heard we made out
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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