Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
