the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
