My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
