Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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