you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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