why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Enjoy the penises
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
