these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
