i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
