this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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