ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I need a beard to bite.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
