college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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