Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
