my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
