there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
