well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
