Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
