we were pretty classy up until the second keg
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
