Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
