it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
