Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
