I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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