pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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