The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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