woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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