Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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