Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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