god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
