I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i already hear my dad disowning me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
