I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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