If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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