five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
