I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
