I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
