i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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