Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
