I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
