I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
porn star boner night. come get it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
