This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
