imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
