New invention idea: vibrating tampons
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
