It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
