Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
