how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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