Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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