I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
