Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
