She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
