Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
